Shiloh Hope Turns 3

Psalm 62: 1 

"My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation;  He is my fortress, I will not be shaken." 

I remember quoting this verse many times to myself throughout my pregnancy with Shiloh.  For you see, she was our rainbow baby, our child following our miscarriage, and I was constantly overwhelmed with fear.  Then, the Lord blessed us with her.  She came with extreme collic, jaundice, and eczema, but she also has provided a joy and love I did not know I could ever posses.  Something far greater than myself, for the gift of childbirth and parenting is a miracle that some days I cannot believe I am still living.  

Now here we are, 3 years later, I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed.  Many days, most days, have felt slow, inching by minute by minute through the screams, tantrums, fighting, surgeries, strong willed defiant toddler meltdowns.  And lately I have felt my heart racing, anxiety inching forwards, and my need to run to this verse once again. 

"My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation;  He is my fortress, I will not be shaken."  

But this time, it is out of a different fear.  This time I find myself fearful of the transition of my baby girl into now a full fledged toddler, becoming more and more independent by the minute.  I feel my anxiety rise that I am not doing it right as a parent, that her baby days are over and she is paying more attention to me and my actions now than ever before.  Am I modeling well for her?  Am I being the parent she needs to be?  It all feels heavy, the mourning of her awakening into a little independent human, mixed with my fear of not being the perfect parent.  I don't want to let her go, yet I do all in one.  So I repeat it to myself again.  

"My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation;  He is my fortress, I will not be shaken." 

The truth starts to sink in, the same truth I was reminded of before Shiloh was born.  Although she is an amazing blessing placed into my hands, she is not mine.  Let me repeat that, she is not mine.  She is the Lord's.  I have the time I have with her now, and for as long as I am gifted with that time.  I am to love, affirm, guide, teach, discipline, correct, give grace, show sacrifice and servanthood.  However, she is not mine to keep.  She is the Lord's.  Ultimately, I cannot control her or many things that will happen to her.  I can do my best to guide her well and protect her where I can, to keep her from as much harm as possible and to keep her in the best health as I can surrounded by as much love as I have to give.  However, the rest is in the Lord's hands.  The rest is in her hands.  She is not mine.  And that brings freedom for me.  I am so tempted to try and control the future, to place my pieces where I feel they should lie and then make them come true. But life is life.  I am not in control.  

"My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation;  He is my fortress, I will not be shaken."

And when I can take this verse to heart and rest within the Lord, when I can find my salvation in Him and stop seeking approval from other moms or from my daughter, or from my photography, then I can truly rest content and I am able to better serve the other moms around me, I am able to be a better mom to my children without the constant need for striving, I can be a better photographer without the constant need for comparison and seeing if I measure up.  I am simply resting in the Lord, allowing Him to be my strength, my rock on my weak days, my fortress where I too can be protected, have shelter and protection.  For where we feel safe, we are secure to be our true and most genuine selves.  And that is what I wish most for Shiloh.  That she might rest secure in who she is and the amazing, amazing talents she is gifted with so that she might use them to shine light to this world.  May we all remember these beautiful gifts we each have, rest in them, and use them!  

My 365 Project for Shiloh. ;) 

If you made it through these, you are amazing. :)  Embrace all the moments you have with your own little ones!!  It truly is a gift. 

~Laura

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Black and White Series: Planting the Harvest

Planting the Harvest

" I am still confident of this: 

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord"

The rain comes beating down with violent fervor, the winds howling and sky showing off in bright flashes.  A new storm has rolled in, spring showers are here.  The rain seems harsh, seems full of distraction and noise, but I know and I trust that in the morning, all will be well, and  better for what it has been through.  The flowers will begin to bloom because of the fresh rain fallen upon its roots.  The air will smell clean, refreshed, renewed.  The morning will feel brighter from the storm that came to pass.  

The Chaos of Family Life

Family life can feel many times like this to me.  It feels noisy and messy and much like destructive chaos.  One in the bathroom learning to potty train, but also getting tangled within her pants dangling at her feet, while the other is pulling over chairs in the kitchen and trying to climb the counter, reaching up towards my glass vase.  Destruction management.  The noises are loud with cries of attention, or learning to share.  However, I know that as I rest in this season, pushing through, the kids will learn to go on a big girl potty, Thomas will learn that some things are meant to be cherished.  They will learn to share and they will know how to be comforted and to comfort.  They will learn to love, give grace, be humble and kind.  They will learn that storms come, and life gets messy sometimes, that people mess up and need grace, but that we can always start over.  We may all be broken, but it is through the brokenness that we have the chance to say sorry, to turn around and begin again.  And what a hard but life changing practice this is.  Repent, and begin again.  The storm will pass, the bloom will come and all will be well. Are you planting for the harvest?

Warmly, 

    Laura 

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